positive

I’m back, and I’m pregnant.  That’s what the test perching on the edge of the bathroom sink says at least.  I tested before I went on vacation as it was the day before my period was scheduled to start and thanks to First Response Early Results, felt confident in being in a very non-pregnant state while I took excederin, allergy meds, had a daquiri, ate lunchmeat and consumed more cokes than I do in my day-to-day lifestyle.  (All things that I would not plan on doing pregnant due to intense-miscarriage-paranoia as a result of previous miscarriage-after-a-healthy-heartbeat beating the odds.)  I don’t know what will happen with this pregnancy, but it does seem that God wanted me to enjoy myself minus the paranoia at least for my short vacation with my family.  That, or not spill the beans to my mom just yet.

 In other news, who would have guessed that my very classy 58 year old mother would enjoy playing 10 cent skee ball quite as much as she did?

what am I doing here?

I’m in a rethinking mode with this whole blog thing.  I’ve become semi-obsessed with vain things like how many people click on my site and how many comments I receive, which – in my mind – are wrong reasons to blog.  I mean, if I truly just want to record my thoughts, memories and fabulous little anecdotes for personal reasons I should just do it in Microsoft Word or something, right?  (That was a rhetorical question, not a plea for comments, by the way.)

From my limited reading experience with blogs, I’ve found that many people have found great community in blogging.  I mean, I can go to a site of a woman who is passionately raw and honest about her experience of having two stillborn sons, and click through her links to other blogs and find dozens of women who have given birth to stillborn babies.  All of a sudden, I’m convinced that livebabies are the exception and stillbirths are the rule.  I can go to a site of a young mother and read about her parenting philosophies and experiences and life lessons and then click through all of her links and they take me to other blogs about parenting philosophies and experiences, etc.  All of a sudden, I’m convinced that every young mother is articulate and interesting and thinks too much about breastfeeding v. bottle-feeding.  

 These communities are great and I truly enjoy reading the blogs or I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t know if community is what I’m seeking with blogging – and if it is, I don’t know where I fit in with my current favorite reads.  I guess all this diarrhea of the brain is to support what I started out saying here – I’m in a rethinking mode with the whole blog thing.

sos

Yeterday morning I woke up and had four new blog postings on my google reader.  2 of the 4 were titled “HELP”. 

You people need help.