we’re just not sure

So yesterday, I’m at my local grocery store purchasing a handful of very sophisticated items – sandwich bread, crunchy peanut butter and 33% less sugar strawberry jam among other things.  I’m wearing this top:

minus the ribbon under the bust.  The grocery check out man who is older than my father says, “That’s a very pretty top you’re wearing.”  Umm…was he just being friendly or was this dirty old man syndrome?  I honestly couldn’t tell.  It just caught me totally off guard that this guy who looks like your neighbordhood grocer would even notice what I’m wearing.  I’m choosing to work under the assumption that he loves bright colors and has an affinity for summer style.

here’s the skinny

So, for weeks I’ve been considering a post on weight loss.  My vanity has kept me from doing it.  Then I realized that vanity isn’t necessarily something I should let win out, so here I am confessing that I’d like to lost approximately 30 pounds.  32 actually, because that would put me down into that section where the second number in my weight is one lower than if I were to just lose 30 pounds.  Because 32 pounds seems like an awful lot, my vanity would like to inform you that I’m tall, and that a 32 pound weight loss will only result in taking me down one size in clothes. 

Believe what you will though.  The reality is that I’m 3oish pounds above my ideal weight, and it is true that this is an awful lot despite the fact that its an awful lot spread over a large surface area, therefore the results will not be shocking in The Biggest Loser sense of the weight-loss shock.

Other realities:

• I’m not interested in joining a gym.
• I’m realistic that I will never be an exercise fanatic.
• It would not kill me to talk a walk around the neighborhood every morning before the summer heat comes to swallow me whole.
• My stay-at-home-wife lifestyle is more active than my sitting-at-a-desk-working-agonizingly-long-days-then-coming-home-to-crash-on-the-sofa-and-or-do-more-work-from-home lifestyle.
• I don’t really like vegetables other than the occasional salad…and corn and potatoes which don’t really count.
• I do like cheese, ice cream, chips, hot dogs, french fries, etc.

So, all of this being said, I’ve determined that the best weight loss plan for me is something I can maintain.  This means no fanatic work out schemes, no purging of the kitchen cabinets, etc.  Self-control in eating is the key for me here.  I’ve used a program similar to www.mydailyplate.com before that was not free, and I lost something like 13 pounds.  I think I’m going to use My Daily Plate again and see how I do.

I’m glad that I’m starting today because I’m meeting an old co-worker for lunch at Pizza Hut and then my small group is ordering pizza for supper tonight.  I guess I better grab my new sneaks:

  and hit the pavement for a walk!

The real question is, would getting that new Katie Holmes bob:

 give me a boost on the weight loss?  I mean do I have enough hair that a chop would qualify as a whole pound?  Something to consider, I guess…

babysitter’s club

Husband and I babysat for Nephew (18 months) last night.  His parents were in town visiting some old friends, so he got to visit his old uncle & aunt.  This is the first time Husband and I have been alone with nephew, so we got the new babysitter talk about bedtime routines, etc.  There was major drama over the forgotten nighttime sippy cup, and I suggested that rather than Husband’s Brother and Sister-in-Law making themselves late for dinner by running to Target to replace the nighttime sippy cup, we just make due with the regular sippy cup that we had – revolutionary thinking, I tell ya.  We were told close to a dozen (no lie) times to call them if he wouldn’t go to bed and we were encouraged to distract him while mom and dad sneaked out.

Well, all in all it was the easiest babysitting assignment of my life including the fact that I have one toy in my whole house, so we ended up playing with 8 lb weights and refrigerator magnets.  Therefore, I am left with two choices:

1. His parents are paranoid about how tough he is.
2. We are the most amazing babysitters on the face of this earth.

I pick number 2.

did she or didn’t she?

I might have just teared up while eating cookie dough and watching the rerun of A Different World where Dwayne Wayne crashes Whitley’s wedding to Byron and marries her instead.

 Oh, what you people must think of me…

squeaky soles

I would totally buy these mouse shoes if only I felt good about spending $355 on shoes.

Something that you must know about me is that I heart shoes.  Heels, flats, boots, sandals, slides, mules, wedges… I don’t discriminate.  If I can remember to have Husband show me how to plug the camera into the computer and download images, I will post some pictures of a few of my favorites.  Think: ombred, sequined, pointy toe slides; flashy cowboy boots; teal velvet ballet flats, and brown patent leather slingbacks.  If I wasn’t itching to play a game of Pac-Man, I’d make up a cute parody of “Favorite Things” from Sound of Music.  I wouldn’t want you all to think that I had that much time on my hands though, so I’ll wrap this up, go play Pac-Man and let you all think that I’m very important and busy.

banana split

So, my sister and her husband are getting a divorce.  They filed online a few weeks ago.  It is pretty crazy that divorce is that easily accessible.  There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in this whole situation – even for me hundreds of miles away.  I am in awe of the attack that the enemy is waging on marriage.  My sister is 28 and divorcing, a couple who I was in ministry with in college are 25 and divorcing.  Two couples that I met through my church, while serving in ministry are in the divorce process now.  The statistics are scary ~50% of marriages end in divorce.  This number is not significantly different inside “the Church”.  Broken out unscientifically, that means that I shouldn’t be surprised:

• that one of my parents two daughters is going through divorce.
• that of my group of really close girlfriends from college, 3 will divorce.
• that my best friend’s parents announced their divorce right after her wedding.
• that of two teaching pastors at my church, one is divorced.

Direct quote from a friend:

“I grow angrier and angrier this year as i consider Satan’s attacks on marriage.”

While, I am angry too, I am also so thankful for my marriage.  The biggest lesson here for me is that as much as I know that Husband and I are on the same page and that in our marriage, divorce is not an option, we have to nurture our marriage and we have to cherish one another and the relationship that we have.  We have to be the two points on that triangle that are always moving closer to God and therefore closer to each other.  We have to continue calling each other silly names and dancing in the kitchen.  We have to hold hands in the car and steal secret winks.  We have to share our joys and our sorrows.  We have to fart and giggle in bed together.  We have to eat ice cream and dream about the future.  We have to pick our noses and go to the bathroom with the door open.  We have to know the Lord and follow hard after Him.

Back to my sister.  My prayer for her is that God will grab a hold of her through this and that she’ll make her way back on the “right” path.   I’m praying for a change of scenery for her; and selfishly hoping that will mean a move from her Big City to my Big City.  After all, I’ve got an unattached teaching pastor at my church…

giggles

Things have gotten a little heavy around here lately and in an effort to prove that I am actually a super fun person with excellent wit and perfect comedic timing, I’d like to share my most favorite joke.  (Answer is in the comments.)

Are you ready for it?

Here it is:

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

secrets don’t make friends/guilty pleasures

So how on earth did the new season of Big Brother start without me knowing?

Yes, that’s right folks…I’m a loser.

where the heart is

My apologies to whoever ended up on this blog when searching for “see heartbeat on sonogram”.  My sincerest thoughts and hardest prayers are hoping that you’ve got a different situation than mine.

groupie

So, I just found out via the church bulletin that my church is starting a support group for infant loss due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.  Here were my reactions:

• Wow.  That’s crazy timing.  Does that mean this is a God thing?
• Super, one more evening committment to busy up my schedule.
• This is too fresh.  I’m not ready to “go public” with strangers yet.
• If I go, will I feel guilty about my losses compared to parents who have lost an infant to SIDS or something “more terrible”?
• If I go, will I resent the grief that parents of miscarried babies have when they have other child(ren) at home with a sitter?

So, for the most part I’m really unimpressed with myself and my reaction.  Husband and I discussed and we are on the same page that right now is not the time for us to join this group – maybe a future date will be, who knows.  We are in a small group together that supports us and are each in gender-specific smaller accountability type of groups that support us.  Do these groups that I’m in think of my sadness on Mother’s Day?  No, I really doubt it; but do I join a support group so that when I’m sad on Mother’s Day or on my due dates I have company in my misery? 

Am I trying to pretend too much like this didn’t happen?  That has been my main coping mechanism this time around.  I took about a day and a half and I ate lots of junk, laid around in my sweats on the sofa, cried and watched tv.  After that, I got up, took a shower, dressed up cute, fixed my hair, put on make-up and pretended like nothing happened until one of our sweet friends would give me an extra long hug or whisper that they were praying for us; and I would feel that lump in my throat and have the beginning of tears in my eyes for just a second.  Beyond all of the faking, when I’m alone at my house or driving in my car, or on a walk around the neighborhood, or lying awake in the middle of the night I’ve had some pretty dark moments.  I can’t really articulate much about them other than that I can see how easy it would be to slide into that darkness and let it envelope me.

On a less troubling note, I’ve been reminded over and over of God’s faithfulness and the peace that only comes from Him.  He has allowed for this to become part of my testimony and I don’t know yet what His purpose for all of it is, but I’m [trying to be] patiently waiting to see His purpose for my life as I step one foot in front of the other in his light.