11.15.07
I have to do what?
So, I just found out that I might be expected to go visit a friend tomorrow at the hospital while she is in labor (she is being induced in the morning). Is it wrong that I don’t want to?
- I’m super uncomfortable with the idea of witnessing someone’s labor; and don’t want anyone other than hospital staff (with drugs) or my husband to witness mine.
- As mad as I am that this exists for me - this has been my “shadow pregnancy”. She told me she was pregnant a few weeks after my first miscarriage in a majorly public place full of lots of people I know and I had to hold back my tears and pretend to be only happy for her and not sad for myself.
- I oohed and ahhed over her ultrasound pictures while I was bleeding after my second miscarriage.
- I’ve listened to her complain at least weekly to me about one element or another of her pregnancy.
- She and her husband insulted my OB - who I love, and I had to pretend like their broad generalizations were anything but broad generalizations, and go ahead and let others think I’m an idiot for liking my OB.
- I kept my mouth closed when she told me 5 weeks ago that she had been praying for the baby to come, when I had been praying for my premature niece who kept going in and out of various hospitals for preemie-related issues.
- Husband and I are planning on visiting on Saturday - meeting the new baby, loving on him and hearing all of the details that we don’t want to hear about the labor, birth, etc.
Seriously. I need help here. I feel like in addition to be uncomfortable with the whole thing, I have a bad attitude and for that reason probably need to stay away. Am I just being selfish? I can handle the truth.
Tina said,
November 16, 2007 at 8:39 am
Why on Earth would you be “expected to go visit a friend tomorrow at the hospital while she is in labor”????? You do not need to put yourself through that. That’s insane.
You are not being selfish…she is. To put you through what she has - knowing what you have been through - is selfish. I see no need for you to be there during her labor. Period.
Joy said,
November 17, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Hey, I’m rachel’s cousin (rachel as in http://pipsylou.blogspot.com/), and I noticed this post about labor. There is NO WAY that I would EVER intentionally visit someone while they are in labor. This is obviously her first baby because she has no idea what labor is really like, especially induction into labor. There is also NO WAY there would ever be anyone besides me and my husband in my delivery room (I have been through labor twice), besides the medial staff. Icky!
anonymouseandcheese said,
November 17, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Thanks for the support, folks. Friend had baby last night and I just got back from a lovely visit with them and the baby absolutely adores me (was there ever any doubt?) and I’m even going back later to hang out while friend’s husband goes to church tonight and to hopefully not have to share the new baby boys cuddles with any other visitors.
Rach said,
November 18, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Ok, I’m still having a problem with bloglines and your blog. I am just going to have to come by every day! Anyway, I am sorry for not ‘being there’ for you! No, you are not being selfish. Sometimes we have limitations and we have to see them for what they are. It turns out though that maybe you thought it would be worse than it actually was?
Case in point - my mother in law wants to have my daughter for an overnight. I’m uncomfortable with it for a variety of reasons. I just told her today it wouldn’t work and now I’m feeling selfish. Here’s the thing: I get to have my feelings and act in accordance with them, as long as I am not intentionally hurting someone else. And you are not intentionally hurting someone else; you’re protecting yourself when you are at an especially vulnerable place.