food for thought

I never understood why people take meals to families that have new babies.  I’m a picky eater and don’t like the idea of eating food prepared by other people with potentially unknown, scary ingredients.  I don’t like the idea of telling people that are kindly offering to cook a meal for me what ingredients they may or may not include.  I don’t like the idea of throwing out food that was prepared by other people because I don’t like it.  I don’t mind at all the idea of eating a lot of frozen pizza, take-out, peanut butter and jelly, cereal, etc. 

Also, if I’m completely honest, I can’t figure out what a new mom of one baby does with herself all day.  Funny coming from a stay-at-home-wife, isn’t it?  Let me be honest though.  Most new moms I know take a pass on the housework and don’t leave their house for at least 2 weeks after baby comes home.  If this is true AND meals are being provided, what I imagine is going on with the day is some schedule/combination of feeding baby, changing baby, sleeping baby (& mom), with maybe some laundry thrown in.  Lather, rinse repeat.  I can’t figure out how this equates to mom not being able to throw a dinner together in 45 minutes OR dad not being able to do it when he gets home.  This is assuming that the frozen pizza, take-out, pb&j, cereal, etc. are unacceptable options and also assuming there are no older children in the home. 

Okay, moms out there, don’t get mad at me, I know that I’ve just never been there.  I cook lots of meals for new moms and do it with a right attitude – except I always take the food over in throw-away containers because I’ve had too many pyrex dishes (with my name on them) not returned to me.  In fact, I just took a meal to friends from our small group two days ago.  Someday, I’d like to have an honest conversation with a mom of a new baby to know what she does with her day, a conversation that would not result in me hurting her feelings by my naive assumptions and/or ignorant questions.

Now I’m going to completely contradict myself.  (At least I’m honest, right?)

Why do we (you can pick what the “we” means – I guess I’m assuming that “we” = church ladies) only cook meals for new moms?  I mean I was sick for more than a month when I started taking metformin and all of my friends knew it.  All of my friends that I cooked meals for when they had their new babies knew that I was sick every single day for MORE THAN A MONTH and it occurred to exactly 1 of them to offer to cook a meal for Husband and me.  I’ve had THREE MISCARRIAGES and no one has offered to cook a meal for us.  Does this mean that I need new friends?  Or that they are just not very thoughtful?  Or does it mean that “we” only cook meals for new moms and funerals out of obligation rather than out of a true desire to perform a service for a friend?

Raise your hand if you’re offended by this post.  (Seriously, not my intention.)  My apologies to new moms everywhere.  I’m not jealous of your mystery dinners every night, but I’m jealous of your new babies that get them for you.

the almost

Calliope has chosen today as a day to remember babies lost to miscarriage.  I love the idea of doing it on February 29th.  I love to imagine what my life will look like the next time this date comes around.

In honor of “the almost”, I am also choosing today to share with my 3 readers that I’ve lost a third baby last week.  I managed to squeak the third loss in just under the one year mark of the first loss and within the same doomed month.  This pregnancy managed to hang on for between 8 and 9 weeks which means it was my longest pregnancy yet, and also my (physically) toughest miscarriage.  It was filled with the same ups and downs as most pregnancies that end in loss.  The positive hpt followed by the low hcg blood test.  The 48 hour doubling of the hcg and then the empty sac on the ultrasound.  The heartbeat on the ultrasound and then the only 4 days of growth one week later.

When I went in for my first blood draw, the phlebotomist asked if it was my first baby.  I didn’t know the right answer to that question:  yes?  no?  hopefully?  I wish?

We don’t know what’s coming next for us as we move forward, but I look forward to February 29, 2012 as I pray these verses:

Psalm 30:11-12 (NLT):

  You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
      You have taken away my clothes of mourning & clothed me with joy,
  that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
      O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

steppin’ up

I’m almost laughing out loud at the group number on American Idol.  I love that the choreography consists of walking and stepping and stepping and walking and sometimes walking fast or up and down stairs.

I also love that the sound guys can’t even manage to have the right mics turned up or down at the right times.

Don’t get me wrong, I love group numbers.  I’m going to go ahead and say that So You Think You Can Dance does a little bit lot better with the group numbers.  Perhaps American Idol should call up Wade Robson.  Alleged discretion with Britney aside, that guy is amazing.

futon fashionista

My clothes arrived and I’m sitting here at my computer in my new white wrap-around blouse, a pair of old jeans and a great pair of black stilettos and I look HOT.  Let’s dissect this a little bit.

• The shirt.  I’ve been looking for a white wrap-around blouse since before Christmas.  Up until now, I had no success.  Now I know that this is because the fashion gods knew I needed the short-sleeved spring version.  Short sleeved is better for me in this type of thing anyway due to the long arm/small boob combo.  This is a much better fit.
• The jeans.  I know, I’m wearing old jeans when I ordered new jeans.  Well, the new jeans are great, but way too huge.  I’m not going to start thinking I’ve lost THAT much weight.  All of my jeans are from Banana.  All of my jeans are either 10R, 10L, 12R, or 12L.  Most of the jeans I’m wearing at my current weight are twelves.  I have a few pairs of tens that I can wear, that must have just been cut big for tens.  The new jeans were wicked cheap on sale, and thus there are no more online.  Tomorrow I begin my in-person hunt for a pair that fits.  Back to the old jeans though.  I bought them about this time last year and they were snug and a little too long, but I looked great in them, and of course was going to lose weight – at which point I would be able to wash them on hot, throw them in the dryer, bake them in my oven, etc. to shrink them, so I bought them and proceeded to gain weight and put them to the bottom of the denim pile.  At some point last fall, I decided that I could wear them again if I wore a loose top to hide the muffin top.  They were too long for even my highest heels though, so I call the dog and pony show and proceeded with the shrinking methods.  Once the dust settled, I couldn’t tell if they had shrunk in length or not because I couldn’t get them buttoned.  All of this to say, that I’m sitting here now with them comfortably buttoned and hugging me in all the right places.
• The shoes.  I like to say that I am a slave to fashion versus comfort when it comes to shoes.  That being said, this fall and winter, I have hard-core fallen into the wonderful world of fun, cute, stylish flats.  Don’t get me wrong, flats are great.  I love my flats and they are especially handy for the many pairs of non-long jeans that I own that won’t accommodate heels without throwing me into the category of every employee at my husband’s super-nerdy engineering firm whose pants are too short (except for him of course).  Back to the heels.  I love a good heel.  I just feel so much more chic-ly sophisticated in a great pair of heels.  I’d like to find myself a happy medium between cute flats version of me and the sophisticated heels version of me.  I miss the latter.  I also feel a little more powerful in a great pair of heels…in that s.exy kind of way.

All of this to say, that I’m home alone, with no plans for tonight other than a quick shower and then a fun filled evening in sweat pants and slippers with a great line-up of America’s Next Top Model, American Idol and Project Runway.

courtesy of bananarepublic.com

I just went on an online shopping spree.  (My favorite kind.)  Because I’m feeling charitable, here’s what I bought:

Bring on spring.

I’ve been trying to get more citrus in my diet…

If you haven’t already tried these, you must.  They come highly recommended by me.  What other endorsement do you need?  Seriously, they taste awfully reminiscent of an orange tic-tac – which we all know is not a breath mint, but candy to be eaten by the little plastic boxful.

 In other news, I’ve lost 12 pounds.  To qualify that, I’ve lost 12 pounds since the beginning on November (i.e. the end of the funk).  I know that 12 pounds in 15 weeks doesn’t exactly qualify me for the title of The Biggest Loser, but in my world, its good news.  I’m hoping that in the coming weeks I might become reacquainted with my old friends, The Collarbones:

(I know.  Red is not my color.  And how embarrassing that another girl at the wedding wore the same dress as me!)

And then hopefully soon after to my other old friends, The Skinny Arms:

(Yes, I’m sticking my tongue out at you.  And, I know.  My hair was too blonde.)

a month of flowers, fluffies and other gushy stuff

So, its Valentine’s Day.  The day that seems to represent February…a month that I didn’t really spend much time thinking about before it got here.  I’ve realized why.

This month is a tough one for me – so far at least.  I don’t feel like I ever stopped long enough to dwell on the February landmarks, and yet here I am – feeling pretty dumpy for the last two weeks.  In trying to analyze my funk, I realized a few things about February 2008.

Things that this month marks:

• One year since my first positive home pregnancy test.
• One year since my first miscarriage.
• The due date for pregnancy #2.
• The arrival (this past Monday) of shadow pregnancy* #2.

I’m working on it and hoping to be out of my funk soon.

*I despise the term “shadow pregnancy” because I feel like it sounds really jealous sounding (and while I don’t want to be jealous, I probably am), but I don’t really know what else to say to communicate a pregnancy of a close friend who has a due date within 2 weeks of my former due date.  Incidentally, both of my SP friends are in my small group.  Husband and I are struggling with that still a little bit – those two babies, combined with the 10 month-old twins of the other couple in our group – who are insanely oblivious to how hurtful to us some of their innocent comments are – we’re considering a leave of absence from our group.  I’m sure we won’t do it though.

geeky. obsession.

Facebook has a million and a half applications.  It is so annoying.  That being said, my friends have gotten me hooked on the Knighthood application.  I am 100% obsessessed with expanding my realm, recruiting more vassals and upgrading my title of nobility.  If anyone wants to play, let’s be friends…

vacation

I don’t know how to post videos, and I’m not really looking to figure it out right now, but please go over to youtube to watch this.