the almost

Calliope has chosen today as a day to remember babies lost to miscarriage.  I love the idea of doing it on February 29th.  I love to imagine what my life will look like the next time this date comes around.

In honor of “the almost”, I am also choosing today to share with my 3 readers that I’ve lost a third baby last week.  I managed to squeak the third loss in just under the one year mark of the first loss and within the same doomed month.  This pregnancy managed to hang on for between 8 and 9 weeks which means it was my longest pregnancy yet, and also my (physically) toughest miscarriage.  It was filled with the same ups and downs as most pregnancies that end in loss.  The positive hpt followed by the low hcg blood test.  The 48 hour doubling of the hcg and then the empty sac on the ultrasound.  The heartbeat on the ultrasound and then the only 4 days of growth one week later.

When I went in for my first blood draw, the phlebotomist asked if it was my first baby.  I didn’t know the right answer to that question:  yes?  no?  hopefully?  I wish?

We don’t know what’s coming next for us as we move forward, but I look forward to February 29, 2012 as I pray these verses:

Psalm 30:11-12 (NLT):

  You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
      You have taken away my clothes of mourning & clothed me with joy,
  that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
      O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!