to blog or not to blog?

I haven’t been feeling all that inspired lately in terms of blogging.  I’ve been feeling great actually.  Greater than I’ve felt in a long time.  I just don’t have too much to blog about.

Husband and I have been keeping a tight lid on where we’re at with the whole baby issue.  Tight lid as in not talking about it.  With anyone.  Except each other.  (Most people in our lives don’t even know about the most recent loss.)  I’m pondering sharing more of that here.  Does anyone have any thoughts?  Any one that has done it and regretted it?  Not done it and wished they had?

The biggest thing holding me back is the fact that I don’t know how many people read this blog that know me in real life.  I really don’t mind sharing with all of you strange internet people.  It’s the familiar ones that I’m a little afraid of.  I know of one in-real-life reader, but it’s any lurkers that have found me either on their own or through her blog that I’m leery of.  (P.S. It’s okay if you’re out there.  I’m possibly the biggest blog stalker there is.  I just don’t know if I want you to know ALL of my business at this stage in the game.)

Another thing that kind of nags in the back of mind a little bit is that I have some concerns about my overall blog content.  In looking at my stats, it is more than obvious that what you all want to read about is my infertility issues – both the ups and the downs.  However, I feel really strongly that I don’t want my blog to be defined by that.  It is a big deal in my life right now, and has taken it’s turn at being (too much of) a consuming force in my thought life, but I don’t want it to be what defines me – neither in real life nor in my blog life.  I understand that I am a part of this infertility community whether I choose to participate or not, and I’m not at all upset by that.  Other than the circumstances that landed us all here, it doesn’t seem to be that bad of a place to be; but I’m also a part of a reality-tv-junkie community and a part of a fashion community and an I-don’t-know-what-to-talk-to-my-mother-in-law-about community and a hair obsessors community and a twenty-something community and a Christian community and a human community and a people-who-laugh-too-hard-at-their-own-jokes community.

So, here I am.  At an impasse.  What do I do?  Discuss amongst yourselves and see if you can come to some sort of conclusion for me.

offerings

Forget the last post – we’ve got two offers!

on theories

My friend has a theory on marriage and babies.  It is this: If you get married when you always wanted to, then having babies ends up being hard for you.  If you have to wait (versus your ideal) to get married, then babies come easy.

Well, I planned on getting married at 22.  I got married at 25.  I planned on babies in 2007.  2008 is looking pretty iffy at this point.

All of this to say that perhaps she should write an addendum to the theory: If you don’t get married when you want to and you don’t have babies come easy, then selling your house will be easy for you.

11 days on the market and we got an offer!

love and marriage

I had a conversation lately with a girlfriend of mine who talks about marriage with her boyfriend a lot. I mean I think they’ve talked about marriage more than Husband and I have talked about marriage. They’ve been dating for 15ish months. We’ve been married for 2ish years and were dating/engaged for a combined year. They talk about marriage a lot.

I had a policy that I would not talk about marriage until I was engaged. I didn’t talk to Husband about it and I didn’t talk to my girlfriends, my mom, my sister, anyone about it. Did I think about? Uhhh…am I a girl? Of course I thought about. There was also an understanding between Husband and I that we were dating with the intention of getting married. In other words, if one of us ran across something in the other one that we knew we couldn’t marry, we’d end it. Additionally, I told him at one point (rather boldly I suppose) that I wouldn’t date someone for more than a year. At that point in my life, I had decided that if it took a guy longer than that to realize he wanted to marry me, that the answer was simple – he didn’t want to marry and/or he wasn’t right for me because it didn’t take me that long.

It wasn’t a ploy to land a man, it was just what I thought was best. It was actually also what I thought was normal, but I’ve since learned otherwise. For me, I think it was a good way to guard my heart though. I actually think that for other people, its a good way to guard their hearts too, but I don’t make decisions for other people.

So, that was it. We didn’t talk about when we would get married, what kind of wedding we would have, who would perform the ceremony, where would go on our honeymoon, where we would live, what we would name our children, etc. None of it. Not until we were engaged.

So, that’s what we did. What did you do?

confessions

• I’m watching Celebrity Apprentice. ‘Nuff said.
• I don’t know why ’nuff is the shortened version of enough.  Should it be ‘nough?
• Today I went to Costco with the goal of spending less than $100.  I spent $122.
• I’ve been craving fruit today and for whatever reason, I can’t remember that I have a can of peaches in my cabinet.
• I bought some pre-sliced/pre-speared pineapple today.  It costs more that buying a whole pineapple, but I can’t cut one of those to save my life without having approximately 2 bites of fruit at the end.
• I pick my nose nearly every time I go to the bathroom.
• I always wash my hands after going to the bathroom.
• My car is to me what a locker is to a high school student.
• I’m feeling pretty ambivalent about blogging lately.  I need inspiration.
• It felt creeped out when we got home last night after vacating for our house’s first showing.  I didn’t like that other people had been in my house when I wasn’t there.
• It didn’t bother me to look at other people’s houses when we were on the buying end.
• I took a car FULL of old clothes and other miscellaneous items to my friend’s house today.  Its in storage for her annual garage sale.  I have at least another whole car FULL to take.
• We have too much stuff.
• I rarely shower on consecutive days.  Today was a shower day.
• I generally only shave my legs if I’m going to the doctor or wearing skirts/capris/shorts.
• I don’t wear skirts in the winter.
• I don’t really wear shorts other than the long walking shorts.
• I have saggy knees.
• I’m obsessed with bullet points.

won’t you be my neighbor’s neighbor?

Our house is officially on the market.  Who wants to buy it?

 

because I’ve got a lot to do before April…

An email to my girlfriends in my accountability group (totally love them to pieces).  Included here for posterity’s sake:

I thought I would email you all prior to us getting together tomorrow night because its been a big couple of weeks in my neck of the woods, and this will keep me from talking too much tomorrow (assuming we are meeting?).  Also, you all know at least some of this information and some of you know more than others, etc., so this way we’re all on level playing ground and you guys don’t have to fight about who knows me best.
 
In my favorite fashion (bulleted):

• We bought a new house.  Duh.  Its closer to [church] and Husband’s work and [yours and my favorite mexican restaurant].  Pending any major life changes that we aren’t planning (i.e. the unwelcome ones), it will be the house that we live in until we are too old to live in a house with stairs and trade it down for a cozy ranch.  We close at the end of May and our [current] house should be listed officially as of tomorrow.  Send all of your house-shopping friends our way.
• I had another miscarriage.  A couple of weeks ago.  Right before I stayed at the [family I house-sat for] - probably explains some of my attitude problem.  I was between 8-9 weeks pregnant, which made the whole ordeal much more physically difficult – we’ll leave it at that to spare you all the graphic details.  We didn’t really tell people I was pregnant, and we haven’t really told people I miscarried (to include my parents and sister, but not to include Husband’s family due to some unfortunate circumstances at [nephew's] birthday party – where my gift was the favorite gift).  We don’t know what our next steps are and we don’t really want people asking, so you guys can feel free to pray, but not to ask.  I mean we’re real friends if I can boss you around like that, right?
• I got a job.  I’m going to be working at [company name] (with [girl we all know] and [other girl we all know]).  Its party-time (er, part-time) and will be 20-25 hours a week.  I’ll be printing forms off of the computer, sticking those little stickers that say “sign here” or “initial here” on the forms, packing them in a UPS bag/envelope and then printing a UPS label.  Its the kind of job a monkey could do – exactly what I was looking for.  And by looking, I mean thinking about it for a few days and then it kind of fell in my lap.
• And most importantly of all…I got a new purse.  See 2008 really is great.

Peace, love and queso dip.
 
Mouse

a monkey could do it

It’s official. I’m going back to work. Part-time.  For peanuts. Casual office. Laid-back company. Flexible schedule. Brainless work. I’m excited.

Just label me an underachiever.

p.s. I like the song Blake is singing on American Idol

I’ve been needing wanting a new purse since at least October.  Today, I found the right one.  Yep, that’s it.  Its super great in person (not that exciting in this picture though).  Its way huger than it looks in the picture.  Its 17.5 inches across, if that helps.  I love it with my whole body.

a weighty topic

I remember being a teenager and seeing something on tv that a healthy weight for a female is 100lbs plus 5lbs for every inch she is over 5ft.  At the time, weighing something like 130 and fancying myself fat:

(Clearly, I was huge.)

I couldn’t imagine ever being so portly as to have 148.75lbs on my 5′9(3/4)” inch frame.  (Don’t knock the “3/4″, I’ll take all of the extra help I can get!)  Now, more than 10 years later I don’t even consider 148.75 to be a goal weight, more like a fantasy.  I also don’t consider the high school version of myself to be fat anyway.

All of that to say that on the scale this morning, I was officially 15 pounds lighter than the early November version of myself.  (Sorry, I can’t bring myself to post the numbers just yet.)  This pleases me.  Now, all I’m asking is that I can drop 5 more pounds before I see my size 4 sister in mid-May.