places I’ve been

In the midst of my year o’ lost babies, many words of attempted comfort were spoken to me.  While all intentions were good, few did much in the way of providing comfort.  The best thing anyone said to me came from a surprising source – a brash co-worker who never delayed in speaking her mind:

“I’ve been there.  It sucks.”

Somehow those five words, lacking in eloquence, did more for my fragile heart than any other well-thought out encouragement, sympathy or condolence.  There was no allusion to a grander spiritual plan, there was no mention of hope or joy or peace.  There was just camaraderie and understanding.

I’ve found myself using those 5 words too many times in the last few weeks (isn’t just once, too many?).

To an acquaintance from college who is a friend on facebook: “I’ve been there.  It sucks.”

To a friend of a friend who just lost a second baby: “I’ve been there.  It sucks.”

To a friend who just days ago held my daughter and loved on her with tears just beneath the surface as she awaited her D & C the next day: “I’ve been there.  It sucks.”

It will forever be a place that I’ve been on my way through life – a dotted line on the map stretching out from home three different times.  I’ve been there.  It sucks.