May 23, 2007

what’s in a number?

Posted in mousie at 7:49 pm by Anonymouse

32 more days.  That’s right, 32.  32 more days of being a career woman.  32 more days of waking up stressed and constantly feeling sick in the pit of my stomach.  32 more days of being “working mouse”.  32 more days of being the person that I despise.  32 more days of being the person that I know.  32 more days of familiarity.  32 more days of torture.

The real story here, all my non-existent readers, is this.  I quit my job.  I don’t have another job and I don’t plan on getting one.  I’m going to be a stay-at-home wife until someday I become a stay-at-home mom – a much more acceptable venture for a woman of 26 years.  The reasons for quitting the job are many and varied and justifiable, but I justify things too much, so here I will do my best to not justify.

Quitting has been an interesting process.  It has shown me how concerned I am with what people think of me.  For example:

The FACT: We have lived on husband’s income since we got married because we didn’t want to get used to living on two salaries while we were purposeful about an intent for me stay home once babies come along. 

THE FEAR: People know I had a miscarriage and will think I’m pregnant if I quit.

THE FACT: I work a normal job that operates on normal business hours, and yet I’m also working most evenings and virtually all weekends. 

THE FEAR: People will think that I’m lazy, can’t hack it, or a myriad of other similar unflattering options.

THE FACT: As of June 30th, I will be a stay-at-home wife.

THE FEAR: I won’t know myself apart from my identity as “Employee of Current Company.”  Now, when people ask what I do, they will find my new position in life much less noble. 

THE FACT: When I gave my (8 weeks) notice, I was told “How will we replace the unrelpaceable?”

THE FEAR: I like being validated too much and possibly value the praises of men over the praises of God.  Also, I have less concern for hearing my husband rise up and call me blessed or whatever it says in Proverbs 31.

I guess this is where I am in life NOW, and these are the things I get to explore NOW and in them lies many lessons that I get to learn NOW.

And when I say NOW, I mean in 32 days.

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2 Comments »

  1. I was a stay-at-home-wife for three years for much the same reasons you have listed. I can really relate to what you’ve written in this post. I did find it quite uncomfortable sometimes when meeting new people; and it seemed I didn’t quite fit in to any social group (all the ladies in my Tuesday morning Bible study were either moms or retired) but I know it was right for me (and I really enjoyed it apart from when I worried about what other people thought about me.) I hope you learn to really enjoy it to and at just the right time move from stay-at-home-wife to stay-at-home-mom. (That’s what I am now, for just 14 months and it’s great.)

    Sarah Abrahams

  2. anonymouseandcheese said,

    Sarah –
    Thanks for the encouragement! Its nice to know that I’m not the only one out there!


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