October 6, 2007

doctor’s appointment email 10/4/2007

Posted in mousie at 3:23 pm by Anonymouse

(I’m posting this email that I sent to my accountability group, just because I’d like to have all of this business in one place and its easier to move one email here than all of my other rambling somewhere else.  Parts of this are in various other posts on my blog, but this was the first time I put it all together.  By the way, the offer for baked goods only applies to people I know in real life.  I can’t be mailing my goods all over the Internet.)

Hey girls.  I was thinking that I would update all of you on my doctor’s appointment junk since I’ve talked to a couple of you about it.  This way you’ll all have all the scoop there is and I won’t take up a bunch of time talking about it on Tuesday night, or risk another meltdown a la this past Tuesday morning Philippians Bible study.  Settle in, this will most likely get long – hence me emailing it instead of taking an hour rehashing on Tuesday night.  I’ll try to keep it light and be funny.  I don’t have a lot of jokes about chromosome testing though.

So, we went to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist aka fertility doctor aka specialist aka really fast talker) on Monday morning.  I was there for 3 hours and 15 minutes – about half of which was time spent waiting and me getting mad about waiting.  During that waiting time, I assumed that every husband that was there was there to “give a donation” and for whatever reason, that was giggle worthy for me.  Seriously, I’m so immature.

The diagnosis is still no diagnosis and more tests.  They took some blood, are going to take some more blood and are going to do a dye test after my next period where they shoot dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to make sure everything is shaped normally and looks normally.  I’m guessing that after that, we will need to make a decision as to when to “try” (I hate the phrase “trying to have a baby” by the way – not sure why, it just sounds stupid to me) again.

There is a chance that I have a mild version of PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome).  It obviously has not kept me from ovulating, but possibly could be causing me to produce not as good of eggs.  We’re moving forward with treatment for this and for a couple of other possible things.  Speaking of treatment – I went to the pharmacist Tuesday and picked up FOUR prescriptions and TWO over the counter meds.  Can someone tell me when I turned into a 76 year old?  Feel free to purchase me a state-of-the-art pill box for my birthday.

The 7-Day 7-Sided Pill Reminder is made of durable plastic with seven individual compartments with individual lids.  Each tight-fitting lid is marked with a letter abbreviation indicating the day of the week, as well as Braille markings for vision impaired.  Each compartment holds 12 aspirin tablets.  Pocket size for easy carrying convenience.  This UV 7 day Pill case blocks UV rays and comes in 3 sizes - Small Medium and Large.

We turned down the chromosome testing.  Basically, we can spend $800 (maybe less if insurance covers it) and do the testing and have a less than 10% chance of finding anything wrong.  Then, if we do find something wrong, we will either have to do IVF (in vitro fertilization), donor sperm or adoption.  Well, IVF and donor sperm are not options for us, and adoption is most likely our next avenue if our next pregnancy doesn’t work out.  The question is – is it irresponsible to not do the test and take the risk of creating a life that has no shot of making it beyond a few initial heartbeats?  I’m at peace with passing on the tests, so that was more of a rhetorical question. 

I didn’t realize until almost the end of the appointment that they were assuming we would be doing IUI (intra uterine insemination) – which is where they would take Husband’s sperm (giggle), wash it, then shoot it up in me after giving me a trigger shot that induces ovulation.  It kind of threw me off guard once I realized they were assuming we would do this.  I mean, we haven’t had problems gettting pregnant.  It’s been the staying pregnant thing that has been the issue.  Plus, that doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun to me as the old-fashioned way of doing things.

The good news is that insurance covers everything that we are choosing to do ( i.e. not the chromosome testing, not the IUI).  And, I’ve managed to hit the annual deductible ONLY BEING ON HUSBAND’S INSURANCE FOR  2.5 MONTHS), so the cost to us will be minimal, and we will opt for the better insurance coverage starting in January, so even though we will hopefully hit our deductible again next year because we will actually be having a baby at some point, we won’t have to sell our house and move into B’s basement.

As far as the breakdown on Tuesday goes – I had decided that I need to stop complaining about people not being 100% genuine in small group situations if I’m not ready to do it myself, so I decided to share about the miscarriages with my Philippians discussion group on Tuesday morning and the perfect discussion question managed to present itself and for some reason as soon as I opened my mouth, I started the ugly-cry-face.  I totally didn’t see it coming and it caught me way off guard – I mean, I had just talked to KW about it Sunday without even a thought of a tear or a single lump in my throat.  I barely pulled it together for the rest of the group and then afterwards, M and R – who were in two separate groups, but apparently witnessed my “episode” came over to give me a hug and make sure I was all right and I lost it all over again.  Then, on my way to Chipotle to have lunch with R, I kept breaking down again.  It was really pathetic, let me tell you.  The conclusion that I came to is that this appointment plus this whole obnoxious situation were more stressful to me than I realized.  I’ve been pretty emotionally fragile all week, but I think I’m coming around.  I’m reading the first half of Philippians 2, and I’m realizing how self-involved a lot of my thought life has been lately – focusing on all of this stuff, not even necessarily in a “woe-is-me” type of way, but just thinking about it a lot.  This is not productive and I think that Satan has been using it to steal my joy (another Philippians reference), so I’m remedy-ing the self-involved stuff by typing a 10 page email to my friends that is all about me (teehee). 

One last note.  I have been having a lot of problems sleeping this week.  The only thing I can chalk it up to is stress about all of this.  I don’t feel stressed, but I think I must be or why else would I have broken down like I did on Tuesday?  Then, the lack of sleep is causing me to stress more and its a vicious cycle.  I’ve decided to take at least a double dose of sleeping pills tonight, and pray for at least 6 solid hours of sleep.  So feel free to pray for me on that.  If you don’t hear from me in the next 48 hours, its because either:

  1. I overdosed on sleeping pills.
  2. The sleeping pills didn’t work, so I tried something harder…and injectable…mixed with liquor.
  3. I turned into Rip van Winkle.
  4. More preferably, I turned into Sleeping Beauty, minus the whole finger prick thing.

If you made it through this email – I owe you one of your favorite baked goods.

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2 Comments »

  1. shoeaddict said,

    Hey Mousie! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Are you not doing IVF because of money or???? I have PCOS.

  2. anonymouseandcheese said,

    We are not doing IVF for a few reasons. The first one is – we don’t need to. Getting pregnant has not been an issue. The second is that we don’t “believe in” – sounds stupid to say that because it does exist – the idea of joining a sperm and an egg in a dish, doing testing on that to make sure all of the chromosomes are in order and then deciding from there what to do with the baby. I don’t know if that is way all IVF works or just our particular doctor, but I’m not okay with making a baby with the option of tossing it away. It is the same reason why I feel like, for us, it would be irresponsible to have a third miscarriage, have no further diagnoses and continue to get pregnant and miscarry time after time. That’s not something I’m going to judge anyone for because I think everyone has to come up with what is right for them, but I feel pretty stronly about the baby in a petrie dish thing.


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