March 13, 2008

love and marriage

Posted in mousie at 8:34 pm by Anonymouse

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I had a conversation lately with a girlfriend of mine who talks about marriage with her boyfriend a lot. I mean I think they’ve talked about marriage more than Husband and I have talked about marriage. They’ve been dating for 15ish months. We’ve been married for 2ish years and were dating/engaged for a combined year. They talk about marriage a lot.

I had a policy that I would not talk about marriage until I was engaged. I didn’t talk to Husband about it and I didn’t talk to my girlfriends, my mom, my sister, anyone about it. Did I think about? Uhhh…am I a girl? Of course I thought about. There was also an understanding between Husband and I that we were dating with the intention of getting married. In other words, if one of us ran across something in the other one that we knew we couldn’t marry, we’d end it. Additionally, I told him at one point (rather boldly I suppose) that I wouldn’t date someone for more than a year. At that point in my life, I had decided that if it took a guy longer than that to realize he wanted to marry me, that the answer was simple – he didn’t want to marry and/or he wasn’t right for me because it didn’t take me that long.

It wasn’t a ploy to land a man, it was just what I thought was best. It was actually also what I thought was normal, but I’ve since learned otherwise. For me, I think it was a good way to guard my heart though. I actually think that for other people, its a good way to guard their hearts too, but I don’t make decisions for other people.

So, that was it. We didn’t talk about when we would get married, what kind of wedding we would have, who would perform the ceremony, where would go on our honeymoon, where we would live, what we would name our children, etc. None of it. Not until we were engaged.

So, that’s what we did. What did you do?



  1. Rach said,

    I told him I was going to marry him when we had been dating 3 weeks. He got freaked out.

    When can you get together?

  2. Jen said,

    Matt and I knew we were going to get married before we started dating. It took six years after that because we started dating at 16. We never really talked about it, sometimes it would come up as a single comment in casual conversation. Not a big deal though.

  3. We had been dating for about 2 months when I wrote this on the dry erase board in his apartment (I was always leaving him little notes):


    It stands for “Lee is going to ask me to marry him on the beach in Florida.” I thought it was really cryptic. Here’s the spooky part: HE figured it out the next day. He said it popped in his head when he glanced at it. I was mortified.

    But guess what? He asked me to marry him on a beach. In San Francisco. I was partially right. We dated for six months before becoming engaged. Then I went nuts planning and buying all the 8 inch thick wedding magazines. We got married six months later.

    It will be 12 years in September!

  4. Renae said,

    We knew before we actually met face to face. We met on E-harmony and talked for almost a month before we could arrange a meeting (he was in MI, me in IA). Bad thing – he wasn’t actually divorced because of a bad, bad lawyer. He met my family, I met his, we were engaged less than 3 months after we met, married 1 year and 6 days after our first date (out of respect to his parents). Love the man like there’s no tomorrow!

  5. Lainey-Paney said,

    I talked about it a lot.

    ….we dated for 8 months & then got engaged. We were engaged for 16 months! So, we had a really long engagement…. And now, we’ve been married for 4+ years. It’ll be 5 years in November.

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