October 9, 2009

laundry day

Posted in mousie at 5:55 am by Anonymouse

Dear Facebook Users,

Please keep in mind that Facebook is not the appropriate place to air your dirty laundry.  I’m not talking about that t-shirt that has a splotch of chewed up and spit out cheerios or yesterday’s socks.  I’m talking about your personal, private business and/or grievances with others.

If you are mad at your friend, tell her/him (let’s be honest, it’s always a her) privately, even *gasp* in person.  If you are disappointed with the way a situation was handled, talk to someone who can fix it and/or apologize.  If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend (let’s be honest, it’s always a boyfriend) broke up and you are having crazy irrational feelings, keep them to yourself.  Trust me, it will save you the embarrassment later when you’re thinking more clearly.

I wish I only saw these types of behaviors from my teenage “friends”, but sadly that is not the case.  I have a few rules that would do us all well to live by (or so I think):

  1. If you’re thinking about posting something that is emotional charged or emotionally driven, wait 24 hours.  If you’re still feeling it, then maybe it’s worth the post.  My money is on the reality being that you don’t still feel it 24 hours later.
  2. If you can’t own your feelings enough to say what you want to someone’s face, then you don’t get to say it behind their back or otherwise passive aggressively.

Yes, I’m brilliant, I know.

As an example of appropriate status updates, I’d like to reference a list of items that are in an email floating around out there:

  • I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  • Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
  • I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
  • Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.
  • Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
  • How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
  • Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
  • Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
  • How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  • I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  • Bad decisions make good stories
  • Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….
  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
  • There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  • I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  • “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  • Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  • I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  • Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
  • Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.
  • I wonder if cops ever get annoyed at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  • The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel fat before dinner.

That’s it folks.  It’s just not that hard.  It’s also always okay to talk about bacon, popular television shows or regional sports.  Some of those may be fairly unoriginal and tired though.  And by some, I don’t mean the bacon.

Regards,

Anonymouse

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3 Comments »

  1. HereWeGoAJen said,

    I hate it when people put stuff up on Facebook that I would rather not know. There are things that should be kept private.

  2. Renae said,

    Because bacon is always original and fresh and YUMMY!

    Yep, seriously don’t want to know some of the stuff I’ve learned on Facebook!

  3. Rach said,

    Your wit is hurting my eyes.


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