January 10, 2010
minimal eye makeup was harmed
Grief is kind of a sneaky little monster. When you’re least expecting it, it just jumps in your face and sneers at you while it tells off-color jokes. It’s ugly and it’s uncomfortable.
This morning at church, there was a song. The first verse was about a woman whose husband was unfaithful. Then chorus. Lalala…
Then, out of the blue.
It was about a couple who loses a baby.
I wasn’t expecting it – not the words of that verse and not the reminder of the grief.
We were sitting next to some friends whose 3 month old niece recently died for no apparent reason. It caught them off guard too. My friend was a mess. I could see it out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to see all of it because then I would not only have to deal with my own grief, but hers as well. I wanted to avoid it.
I wanted to avoid it because I knew it would make me visibly emotional. And I don’t do visibly emotional in a pretty way. It’s ugly. And it’s socially uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be uncomfortable, so I wanted to look away.
For a bit, I did look away.
After church though. I went for it. I made the uncomfortable joke to break the ice. To make it okay to acknowledge it – the grief.
It didn’t make her any less sad.
But she wasn’t alone and she wasn’t the only one doing the ugly cry.
Because sometimes all you need is someone who will ugly cry with you for a minute in the fourth row to realize that you’re not alone.