August 2, 2010
periods and question marks
This morning I went to Walgreens to buy some cough drops, deodorant and a pregnancy test.
Did I just say that?
Yes, I did.
So you know, we have a birth control plan. But we’ve all seen Friends, right? Apparently those things are only 98% effective or something. I don’t know.
Anyway, there were certain things that were not happening on time. Then, they kept not happening as the days went on.
And I started sweating as the days went on.
Today I finally caved and went to Walgreens.
In my world, a positive pregnancy test is not good news, desired or welcome.
A positive pregnancy test means we have to put our adoption stuff on hold. It means we wait to see when the next miscarriage would happen. It means we will have to pay for a bunch of doctor bills, arrange a sitter for doctor appointments and take a bunch of pills. It means I have to think about whether or not to cancel travel plans because do I really want to risk being away from home for another miscarriage?
A positive pregnancy test is not a happy moment at my house.
So, I buy the test.
I take the test.
I examine the test from every single angle.
At various intervals.
In different types of light.
Just to make sure that it really is…
And then I exhale.