July 25, 2011
your questions…part 1
You guys…asking me questions so I don’t have to feel bad about my self.
You’re so sweet.
What is your relationship with Pipsqueak’s firstmom like? -Sarah Abrahams
Our relationship is not really as open as I expected it to be in that we have not seen her since we left the hospital. We have texted, emailed, sent pictures, etc. We are facebook friends, she knows our home address, yada yada yada. The lines of communication are certainly open, but the longer we go without a face-to-face visit, the less I think it will actually happen.
I know (because she has told me) that she is concerned that it will be too emotional for her and I guess in my mind (which is admittedly not the same as hers), it would only be harder the longer you wait as Pipsqueak has more of a preference for us/stranger danger, etc.
It is not as open as we expected it to be and I’m sure at some point – assuming that our relationship with Baby Swiss’s birth mom remains similar to how it is now – it will be an interesting thing to deal with any issues that come up between our girls as a result of the differences in the birth parent relationships. Both of the girls’ birth moms are very good about showing interest in both kids.
Has Baby Swiss noticed that her skin is a different color than the rest of your family? How have you handled that? -Sarah Abrahams
Yes, she knows that she has brown skin although she doesn’t talk much about the color of our skin. She does sometimes point out other people we see and say, “Look, she has brown skin like me,” or something to that effect. She does not seem to think of it as a negative.
It is interesting because the people she notices having brown skin like her are always people who have light brown skin like her (sometimes people who appear to me to be tan white people, other times people who appear to be Hispanic and other times people who appear to be bi-racial like her), not people with darker brown skin. It makes me wonder if she sees her skin as different from T (her birth mom).
She is starting to mention skin color more often (although not a whole lot still). She refers to her baby dolls as her “Brown Baby” and her “White Baby” and we have not taught her to do that. At the same time, some days she might be wearing a color like green and if you asked her what color she was, she would tell you “green”.
We are kind of figuring this all out as we go and when she mentions it, we just go with what she’s saying. Sometimes I point out that she has brown skin like T. (We’ve told her she grew in T’s tummy, but she doesn’t really get that babies come from anywhere yet.)
We do try to point out things about her that are like us too – not to erase her birth family, but to help her not feel so different from us.
At this point, I don’t think she really cares too much – she feels secure in our family and she doesn’t know that other families are different from ours. That’s why I like this time in her life for us to practice. It’s good for me to talk to her about some of this stuff because if I say it wrong right now, it just rolls of her back. We can all get comfortable with it at the same time.
Well, the other questions will hopefully not have such long answers, but I’m going to go ahead and wrap this one up for now.