September 26, 2011

crazy

Posted in mousie at 1:48 pm by Anonymouse

This time last year, I was in a crazy place.

We were matched with the Pipsqueak’s birth mom, and we were waiting.

Waiting and going crazy.

Well, both of us were waiting and it was just me going crazy.

I didn’t really know until the day after she born just how crazy I was, but trust me…it was crazy.

I was functioning, but barely.

I fed and changed Baby Swiss and I put on a happy face when I was out at church or mom’s group or life group or whatever.

But that’s about it.

I honestly probably should have been on meds.

And I’m not one to rush to the meds.

I was crazy once before.

(“Just once?” asks Mr. Mouse.)

It was after my second miscarriage (about this time 3 years ago…but for months).

I didn’t know I was crazy at the time.

I just thought that my new normal was to be sad and hopeless and lethargic.

Sad, but true that I thought it was the new me.

Happy existence, no?

I finally came out of that fog and was actually fully prepared to ask for an antidepressant after my third miscarriage… when I realized that I didn’t need it.

There’s nothing like wearing nothing but a thin, paper dress sitting on a paper covered table and realizing, “Hey, I’m happy! I don’t need drugs!”

So anyway, I’ve been to Crazy.

Twice.

The problem with Crazy is that it’s a place you don’t really know you’re in until you leave.

I think I’d like to not go back there again.

 

 

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3 Comments »

  1. HereWeGoAJen said,

    There are so many situations that you can’t see until you are out of them. It’s hard to be on the outside of those, looking in, too. (Which is on my mind because I am watching one right now.)

    And as an aside, I hate those paper gowns.

  2. JJ said,

    I know Crazy. It’s a place I have lived. It’s a place I visit once in a while. Good thing, is I know when I’m headed there and where to turn to detour around it.

  3. Kelly said,

    Crazy sucks. I’m glad you are not going to be crazy anymore. You are so right, you don’t usually know when you’ve been there, until you aren’t anymore. 🙂


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