November 1, 2011
…the good times, the bad times… …that’s what blogs are for…
So I think I already said somewhere that I’m going to be giving a portion of my testimony at my mom’s group.
Well, I’ve been working through it and I have a few thoughts:
- Thank goodness for the blog. Seriously, I’ve discovered whole chunks of things that I had completely forgotten about.
- Filling up 25 minutes may not be as hard as I initially thought.
- I’m not as funny as I think I am.
- Going back through all of the infertility stuff has been way more emotional than I expected. Seriously, I talk about it casually often, but the emotions that come up in formally reliving it all have totally caught me off guard.
- The biggest thing I’ve realized is just how self-focused I was during the infertility. I think I was so concerned with the fact that no one “got it” that I allowed myself to stew over and internalize every hurtful word, action or inaction; justifying the self-involvement to myself. That got me to a selfish AND bitter place. And that place ain’t pretty. It is incredibly hard to be in a tough place and to feel like no one understands though. Maybe I needed a shrink.
- Maybe I still need a shrink.